


Spiralling

by Francisnikiforov



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, if this aint me projecting, minus the hot russian boyfriend, viktuuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 12:34:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11783274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Francisnikiforov/pseuds/Francisnikiforov
Summary: Yuuri's mental health flares up one day for no reason, that's just unfortunately how it works, and Viktor is a lovely understanding boyfriend who helps Yuuri feel betteridk its pretty fluffy towards the end but this Absolutely a Projection of my own mental health issues lmao





	Spiralling

Yuuri woke up by himself to an empty space in bed where Viktor should be, it took him a while in his sleep addled brain to figure out that: it was mid-morning, meaning he’d slept in by at least 4 hours, that meaning it was a rest day from training, and finally, Viktor being the early riser he was and his coach, had already awakened and was out all day doing coach related business, Yuuri could probably try and remember what specifically if he wanted to, but he was tired, and not in a mood where effort was involved. He picked up his phone and began to scroll through social media, seeing where Phichit had posted yet more selfies involving hamsters, training, and makeup tutorials, Chris was on Instagram posing in the Swiss alps with his boyfriend on a brief vacation, and JJ had written a thread on twitter on exactly why he was The King, and what ‘JJ Style’ meant, then resulting in a twitter war between him and Yurio, much to Yuuri, and a significant amount of others amusement. There was only so much scrolling Yuuri could do however, before he got restless and bored, so he checked his texts- he could reply later, he wasn’t feeling it, and laid staring at the ceiling in a sort of restless, odd haze. 

Although he was by no means a morning person, he would usually be able to wake up eventually, and get himself a cup of coffee or tea, before pottering around the apartment and getting himself sorted; however, it wasn’t that he was tired, but there was some sort of feeling telling him that he couldn’t be bothered getting up to the kitchen, the most movement he was bothered to do, was to the toilet in their en-suite, and straight back in to bed again. He laid there, tossed and turned, moving between staring blankly around his and Viktor’s room, looking at social media again, and playing solitaire on his phone- there wasn’t anything else he felt like doing, and whilst he was aware of the many things he should and could be doing on his day off, there was a louder voice making him freeze up and continue to avoid everything, like he was stuck in a loop. 

As the day progressed, he stayed in bed, and gradually felt worse and more stuck in bed than he previously felt. Whilst in the morning he thought it was laziness, he was slowly becoming aware that it was apparently becoming an Anxiety and Depression day- oh what joy. He was caged in his bed, doing anything else was too much effort and required too much thought and anxiety, so he stayed curled up in bed, without his phone now; which had become too toxic and meaningless to him to look at, that he had subsequently thrown across the room on to a dirty washing pile, was the only thing he felt in his whole mind and body that he could do, he felt his mind grow stronger over everything, he felt less able to move about, and his thoughts swirled darker and more panicky.

Why was he so lazy and a waste of space? Viktor had been out all day now, probably being his bright and bubbly self, getting business done on his behalf as his coach, and yet he couldn’t even be bothered to get out of bed and brush his teeth? Viktor didn’t deserve such a waste of space, why was he such a mess? How could he expect to win gold medals in worldwide competition when his mind was obviously so fucked and against him? No wonder he was this old and was way behind all the other skaters, Viktor, Yurio, Chris, JJ, why did they even bother with him? It was probably just pity, he should just stay here in bed forever in the dark, or just die silently so they can continue with their lives without such an inconvenience and waste of a person. 

Through his worsening thoughts of anxiety and depression, he heard the door open and close, the time in which he’s been laid there crying on and off and self-destructing having messed up his sense of time, glancing at the clock next to the bed he saw it was half 5 in the afternoon and Viktor was finally back. He turned away from the door and curled up tighter, as to avoid Viktor seeing his face and hopefully avoiding him. However, after hearing him walk through the apartment, probably looking for him, he heard the door open and Viktor start talking, he can hear what is being said, but in his state he has no comprehension and just zones out more, hoping Viktor will give up and go. Unfortunately, he feels the bed dip as Viktor leans over to look at him and talk to him; he looks worried, sad, and Yuuri can see his little nose and cheeks still red from the biting cold outside.   
“Yuuri love? What happened? Have you been up today?”   
All Yuuri can be bothered to say is a grunt, hoping that will convey his mental state and whole day,  
“ Yuuri, please talk to me? Did something happen?”  
No, and that’s the point, literally nothing happened and Yuuri has been frozen like this all day, unable to get out of bed, how is he meant to explain this to Viktor without falling apart, whilst he has been out all day being productive and active?   
“my love, if something happened today, just nod for me okay?”   
Nothing, genuinely nothing.  
“okay then… if it’s been an anxiety or depression day then nod for me?” Yuuri paused, should he bother Viktor with his mundane problems? He doesn’t deserve such loving attention, but as he makes the mistake of looking into Viktor’s worried eyes, his body betrays him yet again and nods reluctantly.   
Viktor very gently kisses the top of Yuuri’s head and sits away from him, “I’ll be right back dear, I’m just going into the kitchen”  
, after some amount of time Yuuri is still not entirely sure of, Viktor comes back in with a banana, energy bar, and some cereal, as well as a bottle of water, all precariously balanced in his arms.   
“I know you probably haven’t eaten all day, and by the looks of it you’ve barely drunk, I know you won’t want to now but can you please try eat this and have something to drink? For me? I promise that’s all I want you to do, you barely have to sit up for it?”  
As much as Yuuri can’t be bothered eating or drinking, and doesn’t feel like he deserves such treatment, he can’t disappoint Viktor, not when he looks so worried yet gentle and loving, and if Yuuri is really forced to admit it to himself, he hasn’t eaten since the previous days dinner, and is starving. He sits up and manages to eat the energy bar and banana, along with half the bottle of water, it’s made a lot easier as Viktor steps into the en-suite to get changed and use the toilet, leaving Yuuri to eat in his own time and company.   
When Viktor comes out, wearing sweatpants and a long sleeved top, he sits down on the bed again, and clears away the mess from the food Yuuri managed to eat, with an approving smile and another promise to be straight back. As he settles again, he starts to feel more whole, and present than before, and with that he realises how disgusting he feels, as he hasn’t changed or washed all day, not even brushing his teeth. Again, Viktor seems to have mind powers as he comes back in and holds Yuuri’s hands,   
“I just want you to come into the en-suite with me, you need to brush your teeth, it’ll make you feel better I promise.” He sits him on the toilet lid to brush his teeth, as Viktor brushes Yuuri’s hair and washes his face with a wet flannel. Once he starts feeling more clean and gradually more whole, he uses the toilet and heads back into bed with Viktor, where he lies down with him, tracing circles over Yuuri’s arms and sides, 

“I love you so much Yuuri, I’m so proud you did all these things for me, and I’m so sorry I couldn’t be with you today when you haven’t been doing well, I’m so lucky to have you, and all I want is for you to feel better, I’d lie here with you forever, and tell and show you how much you mean to me thousands of time until you do, and still even if you don’t”   
Viktor continues to whisper loving messages to Yuuri, as he gently makes him aware that he’s still there, still whole and grounded. Eventually, Yuuri rolls over to peck Viktor on the lips,   
“thank you Viktor”, he whispers so quietly it almost could go unheard, Viktor simply smiles back at Yuuri and holds him close as they drift off to sleep. In the back of his mind Yuuri is aware that he’s slept so much all day already and its only about 7pm, and they’ll wake up way too early for comfort at this rate, but he’s comfortable in Viktor’s arms, and feeling significantly better than earlier, not completely, but more grounded and clear, so he lets himself drift off with Viktor. 

As they both wake up the next morning at around half 6, feeling thoroughly rested, they start milling around the apartment, drinking coffee and tea, petting Makka, and if Viktor is more affectionate and attentive to Yuuri than normal, it doesn’t bother him one bit, he feels loved and taken care of. How lucky he is to have someone so understanding and helpful in the midst of his wavering mental health? Yuuri knows he’ll have to talk about the previous day to Viktor at some point, but for now as he drinks his tea and watches an adorably sleep dischevelled Viktor play with Makkachin, he can’t bring himself to care to much in that moment.


End file.
